losing my cool is just, not cool.
so yeah, im cool.

and with that, i'd better do a proper job next time
silly small details can really screw up the big picture.

quite a week of outburst - nevertheless, the determination hasnt wavered.
maximal talk minimal action thus far
oh yes, headache 24/7, really.
and quite a bit of stomachache too, especially monday.
its a sin to overtake keith in a run.

looking into the other's eye when he/she is smiling at you is quite the taboo, isnt it.
slow and painful, but what can one do?

common test? somehow, i cant really seem to care..
just looking forward to macau.
that one week should be a good time for rehabilitation, i think.

its a pity though. the trip isnt as useless as your mum said it to be =/

in the process of self-destruction and self-manipulation.

having some severe headache atm - signs of success! icandoit!

abstract thoughts are just plain, messy.

visualizing just yet?

i really hate being misunderstood at times.

hello to whoever's searching for my blog bingo you found it. just thought i oughta say these before it gets worse. please DO NOT link me, nor spread the address around kthxbai! its. brainlessly senseless and an unjustified sin when found by those-who-do-not-like-whats-written.

just when i thought i knew, i wonder again.
there, those. then, that. now, this. next, these?

are you satisfied now?
really, why should i care this much

ignored

im pretty sick of being who i am and who im not supposed to be, and recent excessive procrastinations has made me realize how disgusting i am doing all these shit for the past 10 years i have no idea why im doing. been dazing for the past week wondering what am i doing and why i've failed. so for the upcoming few weeks i'll be taking a break from work, sch, tennis and comp. its time for some severe self-reflection and self-reconstruction. that doesnt mean i get to avoid my duties..

i think, im revising my future plan. pretty inspired by familymen recently. i think it makes sense that those who work for the sake of their family and children's future tend to be happier than those who work for success. my class/chinese teacher, my cousin-in-laws, my uncle-in-law etc and above all, my dad. perhaps being something like him is not what he wants me to be, but i can see it in his eyes, the fleeting sensation when we, the sons he pinned his hopes on, make achievements he becomes proud of. i can hear it from his ego, the spirited pride when he speaks of the "talented" sons he has. so while others aim to go for their dream jobs and all, heres mine. a familyman (omg i cant believe im saying this). a stable job is perhaps all i want.. of course, a familyman sure has his high and low tides, as seen from my colourful family, and its not exactly something that can be avoided. still, someone who enjoys mystery and thrills as much as me prolly wouldnt mind them XD. parents tend to pin their hopes on children oh yes they do. especially the ones that they were unable to fulfill in their lives..

well the past week had been another roller coaster. i think, i really have the most extreme of luck, ranging from the luckiest thing that could possibly happen to me to the most uneventful of events. i've this really mixed feeling of agony, hopelessness, joy and pride inside me atm, and the feeling kinda sucks coz i dont know what face to put on...!

staying away? avoid? on track?
before using the word complicated
one should first define "simplicity" thoroughly.

perhaps, if there was more decades a century, years a decade, months a year, weeks a month, days a week, hours a day, minutes an hour, seconds a minute.
humans could change their world.
i can change my world.

Tonight

I remember the times we spent together
All those drives, we had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me,
Tonight

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late

I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus, and how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad, sometimes
Not having you here

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I say
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
----------------------------------------------------------

frustrations. extended. say, if everyone on earth becomes more decisive. oh what a perfect world.
my reason that this reason is a reasonable reason is a reasonable reason to reasonably reason that this reasonable reason is indeed a reasonably reasonable reason as reasoned reasonably using my reasonable reasonably-reasoned reason.

the stroll takes its toll,
things we put on hold.
perhaps theres too much to grant
yet there wasnt the need for the turkey cold.

though any day i might lend
its time to realize as of recent.
im no shoulder there up for rent-
you know this better than i intend.
so why is it that what we share always fold
moments after we went on a roll.

we both know the goals,
an unspoken agreement nothing like an oath.
i admit the mistakes all so recent,
yet faith i've kept just so decent.
why doubt the obvious of the oblivious,
over such small issues like those envious.
you know i suck at hiding
so now working these fingers im frowning.
what is this mess that should never have..

"active" and "vocal", madness incarnate.
i notice when you impersonate.
i know whats on purpose.
im grateful for this warmth embraced,
thanks for letting me know you're there.
but yes you know it,
im a mystery undefined.
i innovate, i intrigue, i intensify.
im neither a devil, nor anything less.
im almost an uncertainty,
so how can you be sure that really was me?
its confusing, who i really am.
but just be sure here, i meant what i said.

though,
i sincerely hate this spiral we're walking in, and even more so for the distance i've to cover.
girl, im tired and you know it.

just.this.once,
this is just plain messy and irritating.

i find it damn irritating when theres some guy around having a go at every single simple calculation qn, working them out verbally mentally then saying the answer. i mean not that its wrong but when the person is just saying it for the sake of showing those around him how he does it that "fast" and finding some pride in doing so then give a smirk, it somewhat comes across my brain as if the person was.. deprived.. well, maybe thats coz that im better than him at all that and i think he should shut up and not disgrace himself but w/e laaaa. my intellect level cant go on like this, omg.

forgive me, but i feel as if my intelligence level dipped

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just venting some frustrations lol